Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
