at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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