dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
