Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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