"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize