Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
