it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
