I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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