it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
