I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
