i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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