dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
