And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
