Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
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if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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