what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
