The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
