Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
