By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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