Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
