literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
