I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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