i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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