I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
