**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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