dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
