My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize