last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
