Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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