I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
