Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
