Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize