Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
