i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
