i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
