We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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