what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Found your dick twin last night
3pm strippers are depressing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
