Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
