it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
