Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
