Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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