My room smells like vodka and shame
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
