so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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