Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
