the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
