WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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