mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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