That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am one with the molecules
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
