Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
