2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
