So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
