Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
