The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
