Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
