just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
