remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
