Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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