i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
