therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
