Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
