i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
