Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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