why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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