I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
