When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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